Obviously, I am not a good blogger!
When I first decided to document my struggles and successes at school at the beginning of the academic year, I had hoped to post at least couple of times of week. But practically, I should have known that with not having internet at home, not giving myself permission to use school's network for nonschool work, and not connecting my laptop to distrusted network that I was left with posting on my blog when I am at my parents. First semester I kept up and posted as often as I had something to say, but this semester I have been an awful blogger!
I am sad that I have not posted much lately. Truly posting here has helped me tremendously. You know, even though I had thought hard and long about going back to school, and planned and planned, when it was time to actually execute it, I realized that I was not as ready as I thought I was. I didn't want to tell my family or friends about how scared and unsure I was, so posting here was what I needed. Of course my coworkers did not help either, statements such as "you are so brave, I envy you" was translated in my mind to "you are such an idiot quitting your cushiony job, in this economy"!
Anyhow, after maybe just couple of posts Katie found me, and she not only encouraged me, she also linked to me, and through her blog I started getting more readers. THANK YOU Katie. I was so happy that I had people to talk to. It did not matter if they did not talk back, just that they came for a visit, showed me they cared.
I felt very isolated during my first semester. And I blamed myself mostly for it. I couldn't connect to my classmate and I thought it was because of an age thing, even though I knew I was able to befriend younger colleagues. So venting here calmed me down.
When I wrote about the night that I panicked and went on a rampage in my house, lol, to collect anything I could sell, including all my old but well kept cloths, I didn't need to talk to anyone else about it. And when I did, I was very rational and reasoned since I didn't need these cloths and I had grown out of them, since they were nice pieces and I had not wore them much, and since I was not going to wear them again, it was a reasonable thing to consider selling them. And so without showing my emotions and make my family concern about my financial status, I sold everything I could.
So why I have not posted here lately? Two reasons basically: I got very busy at school, and I found friends and came out of isolations.
My lucky break happened during the break when I met some very wonderful people when I wanted to learn a software package we were going to use in one of my classes. I started to hang out with them. They emailed me when they were going to grab a pizza or beer, or go out to lunch. And I always did my computer assignments in their area, even though I could do them at the library or my department building, but seeing them, to maybe chat a bit, or have my lunch in one of their offices, was motivation enough for me to leave the warmth of the building I was in and cross the campus in the freezing weather and rain and snow to get to their building.
Also, on the first day of the classes I met a student that turned out she is doing her Ph.D. in my undergrad department, and we fast became good friends. She is only 23, so yes my reasoning for not being able to connect to other students because of my age went out of the window fast! We talk about our homework and stuff and again I don't feel as isolated as I had felt during the first semester.
And thus I was not lonely to come and vent here, lol. But the main reason for not posting has been that suddenly I started feeling the pressure of the graduate school. I did not feel that much pressure during my first semester.
In the first semester, after the initial couple of weeks, I stared feeling that I was able to keep up with my classes comfortably. All my classes were instructional, and even though I had two classes for credit, but I kept up with the work for the third noncredit class and did well.
This semester I have two instructional classes and one independent class. For the independent class I have to do lots of reading, attend talks, understand and write my understanding, and then talk about it with my professor. Also I got interested in attending talks at my sister's old school so I stared travelling to my younger sister's quit often, which is between 2-3 hours train ride each way depending on what time I am travelling. So yes, this independent class takes a lot of time to keep up.
My new younger friend also encouraged me to contact the professor I was hoping to do my thesis with. I had contacted him last October and after the initial meeting, even though he was returning my emails, he did not commit to supervise me. My friend told me that he had been dealing with some health issue and so I should contact him again. Which I did, and this time, he setup a weekly meeting for us, and so I practically found myself with a fourth class, another independent class.
He gave me lots of articles to read, and since I wanted to make sure that he would consider being my thesis advisor, I have put lot of time and effort into understanding these articles.
You know, at first I was not so sure that I wanted to work with him anymore, since I was concern about his health issue. I heard that he was not totally recovered yet. But I am so glad that by him checking up on me, I continued to study and attend our weekly meeting. I have learned so much from him, and I am ready to write my thesis proposal.
So yes, I have been very busy, and when I make it to my parents, I either hang out with them, or when I go to my room, I rather sleep than to post here!
Thus, if anyone is still reading here, thank you for coming back. So on to some news!
I am a bit disappointed in myself! Remember I wrote about the possibility of a summer job? It did not work out! And since I was so sure that it was going to, I did not apply anywhere else, and thus no summer job for me yet. I have applied to a few internships through the school career website, but I think it is too late now.
Anyhow, the company that I interviewed with wanted me part-time during the semester. With practically four courses, I really could not spare 20+ hours to work for them. Plus I was not that desperate financially since renting the main floor of my house. So I tried to convince them to consider me for a summer job, and I thought that they would, but they did not! I have emailed the hiring manager couple of times and no respond. I even left him a voicemail and still no return call. I think that is so unprofessional, especially since we met, and especially since I was referred to him by my former boss who happened to be his former boss.
It is possible that something has happened to the company. They are startup after all and one never knows how long a startup can survive. But boy when they do, it is so cool to have been part of them. That is why I keep going for startups. So that is that.
I have few more weeks of school and then the summer school I suppose. I am trying to convince myself that it would be good to just concentrate on my thesis project exclusively this summer. Hopefully, one of these days I shall believe it! lol.
I have a great news! I met someone, a prefect someone that I shall talk about later on. I am hopeful that we can enjoy spending some quality time together during the summer with my very flexible schedule. He lives where my sister does, so yes, I see lots of train ride in my future, lol.
I have kept up with my walking and since March 13th I have been walking/running. I shall talk about that in another post. Oh, I just want to mention that I have lost another 13 pounds for a total of 27 pounds since August 31st. I am so proud of myself in this regard.
I have been keeping up with my reading too. I am going to update my goodreads now.
Happy Easter.
